15. Juni 2008
Stress
15th June 2008
Recently during a meeting with some friends, they told me about how much stress they were going through because of economy, business, family and all sorts of things. For curiosity, I checked the online dictionary what is the modern scholars’ explanation of stress and it is said that, “Stress is the consequence of the failure to adapt to change.” Surprisingly, I think to a certain extent, they are quite right.
Stress is a result of inflexibility and non-acceptance. In other words, it is caused by strong attachment and expectations. When there is hope or expectation, there is fear that this expectation will not come true, that is to say whatever you expect may not happen as you wish. So stress comes.
Thinking of this stresses me out too. One of my friends was almost crying because despite he was very successful in his business, he was having stress trying to keep up with the success, even though he has made a lot of money in the past 10 years, he is now under a lot of stress because he now has to work very hard to keep the level of the wealth. I guess when he first started with his business, he must have thought, “Well, if I make that many millions, I will be so happy and so contented.” Then when he has made that many millions, he thought of making billions. He started off with giving himself a lot of stress by setting a target to achieve, when he reached this target, he gave himself another excuse to be stressed out by setting a higher target. So there is no peace in his mind and there is no stress-free moment that he could relax. Now, he has even come to me crying because he was under tremendous stress trying to maintain making that much money.
This is the same with couple or relationship. I had an old friend who visited me recently and she looked extremely tired and unhappy. She told me that when she got married a few years ago, she thought that she had found the right man who had money, position and fame. She even said that he was a prayer answered. Now, they are thinking of separating because they can’t stand each other.
So this is the thing. Everyone expects money, good partner, good business to be their solution to happiness. When I asked some of my friends why had they stopped practising Ngondro, and why had they stopped their daily practice, they shocked me with their answers: “I am so stressed at work and business that I don’t have time to pratise” or “Let me be successful in my business, then I will go back to Ngondro practice.” Some of them even said that “I am working hard to be successful and wealthy so that I can help your projects, so now I have no time to practise, I will practise afterwards.” At the same time, these same people are constantly telling me they are very stressed and very uptight.
Some of them even told me, “You don’t understand my problems, because you are not in business, so you don’t have stress.” I was laughing to myself that if they knew how many people I am taking responsibility of, how many children I am feeding and how many old and falling monasteries I have to take care of, then they would know that I probably have 100 or 1000 times more stress than any of them. As I said, my karma took me where I am and I now have to take care of more than 800 years of not only legacy but also huge responsibilities and problems.
The thing is that if you are not grounded spiritually, and if you keep looking outside for a solution, you will never be out of stress. If you are grounded spiritually, you would understand and master the skills of living in the presence, this will at least keep you out of stress.
I am very thankful and I appreciate my friends and students’ constant concern of myself and my lineage, as some of them said that they had to work hard to be financially successful so that they could help my projects. But I wouldn’t be happy if they stop their spiritual practice because of this being a reason. While they are so kind to think of helping me and my projects, I too feel sorry that I can’t help them to be happy and the only way I can help them is through spiritual guidance and through guiding them in their spiritual practice.
I have checked myself a couple of times too. Since I am in human form, I also have propensities to experience stress. The other day, I was thinking about setting up schools for nuns, one in Ladakh and one in Nepal, and about the new schools for monks in Ladakh and Sikkim. I was thinking, worrying and calculating. I did absolutely nothing the entire day, just thinking, worrying, calculating the budget and getting myself stressed. At the end of the day, I checked what had I done the entire day. I did nothing, besides experiencing worries and stress. So, nothing was achieved and one whole day was wasted.
Being stressed is a waste of time and it is really a killer. Instead of wasting your time stressing yourself out, you might as well relax and practise Ngondro, Guru Yoga and meditation whenever you feel stressed or stuck in a position where you cannot find an immediate solution. If you have a great sense of understanding of spirituality and if you have a trained mind through the practice of Ngondro, Nyungnay, Guru Yoga and etc., even if the world collapses, even if the stock market collapses, even if your business fails, you will be okay. You can still be fearless and have the courage to live a fruitful and beneficial life and if you choose to start your business again, you will not be discouraged, instead you will be more encouraged and more confident, because you would understand the meaning of impermanence, the meaning of precious human life, the meaning of karma, the meaning of suffering and the meaning of non-attachment. You can be stress-free and you can be genuinely happy because this happiness comes from your inner support and not depending on external circumstances.
I hope those friends and students of mine who had stopped their Ngondro practice or any other spiritual practices will pick them up again. It is very important that this routine of spiritual practice is not broken. Spirituality is truly the backbone of your life and your happiness. Without spirituality, I can tell you that you will definitely be overwhelmed by stress and all kinds of ups and downs. Spirituality through daily formal practice will keep you grounded and it is the best solution to your stressful situation.
I found some very cute cartoons to put here to make this message a bit more interesting.
